I've been thinking about blogging for sometime now. I feel like there is so much going through my head all the time and I just need to get it out there. There are so many things I want to scream about, cry about, laugh about...I want to figure me out again. Im not sure what happened, maybe I just know more about the world and how it works...Im now more aware...I spend more time alone...I'm not sure but I used to be this fearless girl who was confident and ran the show, I knew what I wanted...Or maybe I just thought that! This point of my life is good, it really is, I have good friends, a good job, a great family...I have achieved some great things..and there are endless opportunties to still happen. I just have never felt more lost and insecure about my surroundings as I do at this point in my life! I talk myself out of things and I never talk about myself as though I love myself. I am jealous of the people that just say...I am good at this or that...I am beautiful...I am something else...those kind of people to me get what they want in most aspects of their life. I am always told that I am great...but I dont neccessarily believe it...I dont know why...no wonder I am not confident at relationships (not friendships-those I am good at) and work. So this is my attempt to try rebuild myself back and start getting what I want out of life and love!!!
So what is it that I want. Without sounding like a girl, I want LOVE...I want to give it, I want to feel it, and I want to experience all that there is with it. I want that crazy cant get enough kindof love...the kind you cant stop laughing, you tease, you fight, you respect eachother, you challenge eachother, you would drop anything for kindof LOVE...It has to be out there...I tell myself I want this but sometimes I'm not sure if I am capable of loving someone like this...am I able to make myself so vulnerable for this kindof LOVE...or more so am I patient enough to wait for this kindof love??
Throughout college I never allowed myself to get serious with anyone, cause I didnt want it to interfer with anything I had planned I want to give my together kindof self to someone and have a mature worth wild relationship without all the drama! I was selfish for the last 6 years of my life..wait what am I talking about...pretty much all the years of highschool and college..that is over 10 years of it being about me. Thi s make me selfish..I like to think that it is just being in your 20's...the poeple closest to me always tell me that my time will come...sometimes I think they are just saying that??
There is more...but for now that is good! HERE is to my road to contentness!
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